Ok, I’ll admit it. I neglect my blog. There is a laundry list of reasons why.
I’m embarrassed to continue blogging about trying to lose weight when I am not making any real progress. Or my blog simply isn’t a priority right now.
I don’t feel either are valid reasons to run and hide, but we all know that I hide.
I haven’t weighted for a couple of weeks now. I haven’t been watching my blood sugar or eating right.
I’ve got to find that “something” to get me going again.
I know, no one can make me do it. It has to come from within.
I’ve been thinking about something lately.
Do I love myself? Hell, do I even like myself?
Honestly, most days are no. I go between acceptance and complete and utter loathing.
This is where my hang ups stem from and why I continue to fail. Not just with weight loss, but also with every other change or improvement to my life I try.
When I tell myself and others that I want to change, I am essentially saying “I love myself, I find value in myself, I am worth fighting for”.
While I want the change, I have a hard time loving myself or finding value or fighting for myself. Hence, I find it next to impossible to stick with any sort of plan or change.
I constantly fall back into old habits. They are familiar, they are comfortable.
So this is where I am these days. I pray that I don’t stay here long. We are finished with our little hiatus from church, I know getting back into the routine will help.
I also know that if I will lean on the Lord, he will guide me.
It’s time to start turning it around.
Finding Christi 
Oh, Christi, I hear you! It’s hard to maintain motivation in this whole journey sometimes. What concerns me is your self-loathing. What’s up with that? Why can’t you realize that you are an amazing person. Not perfect by any means, because NONE OF US ARE. We’re all flawed. But we’re all beautiful and awesome.
Hopefully some getting some of those thoughts out there in the open was helpful, Christi, because they’re certainly common and relateable. It’s difficult to do much of anything when it’s hard to even look in the mirror. Just remember, when motivation strikes, grab the ball, run with it, and don’t look back. You won’t reach the end zone if you’re constantly holding yourself back!
Holy Crap – did I use a football metaphor? I think I better go lie down…
I am so sorry you are struggling. 😦 Plateaus are so hard to bust through. My advice is to do something drastic to bust through. Pick an exercise that you’ve never done before. Try something new! Crossfit! Boot camp!