Ok, I’ll admit it. I neglect my blog. There is a laundry list of reasons why.
I’m embarrassed to continue blogging about trying to lose weight when I am not making any real progress. Or my blog simply isn’t a priority right now.
I don’t feel either are valid reasons to run and hide, but we all know that I hide.
I haven’t weighted for a couple of weeks now. I haven’t been watching my blood sugar or eating right.
I’ve got to find that “something” to get me going again.
I know, no one can make me do it. It has to come from within.
I’ve been thinking about something lately.
Do I love myself? Hell, do I even like myself?
Honestly, most days are no. I go between acceptance and complete and utter loathing.
This is where my hang ups stem from and why I continue to fail. Not just with weight loss, but also with every other change or improvement to my life I try.
When I tell myself and others that I want to change, I am essentially saying “I love myself, I find value in myself, I am worth fighting for”.
While I want the change, I have a hard time loving myself or finding value or fighting for myself. Hence, I find it next to impossible to stick with any sort of plan or change.
I constantly fall back into old habits. They are familiar, they are comfortable.
So this is where I am these days. I pray that I don’t stay here long. We are finished with our little hiatus from church, I know getting back into the routine will help.
I also know that if I will lean on the Lord, he will guide me.
It’s time to start turning it around.