It’s no secret that I’ve been struggling. I’ve been struggling for the better part of a year now.
It is also no secret that when I struggle, I hide. I’ve really neglected my blog and my social media friends. Both of which I love and need. Desperately.
Although my darkness recently has not been anywhere near as dark as it has been in the past, imagine my surprise when I was reading a blog the other day and minus my name, nailed me to a t.
That’s right, Tara over at A Life Changing Journey was telling of a recent experience she had at Walmart. Go ahead and go over and read it, it’s fairly short and the story is pertinent to mine…I’ll be here waiting.
What Tara describes in her blog about that woman and her child could have very well been me and any one of, if not all, of my 4 kids. It horrifies and terrifies me to think that I am this woman. While we do better most days, the reality is my children have no idea what whole foods are, they prefer sodas (diet or regular) over good ol’ water.
When I first read the blog, admittedly, it ruffled my feathers. But as I laid in bed waiting, begging, needing sleep to over take me, my mind kept spinning back to what Tara had written.
Tara is 100% correct. I am addicted to junk foods and drinks. I do look for the easy way out when feeding myself and my family. What is most disturbing though is even though for the past year I have lamented about wanting changing, teaching my kids better, blah, blah, blah. I have failed. I have not made much of an effort to live my life differently. In turn my children are doing exactly what I am doing. I actually call it “Monkey see, monkey do syndrome”.
I mean, a 5-year-old should really be able to shop with Mom for an hour without having leg cramps that keep her up all night later. Right? Right!
Then last night as I laid in bed, waiting for sleep, I realized that I have insomnia most nights because I don’t do enough physical activities most days to tire my body and mind. I know this because when I actually get off my ass and work out, at night when I go to bed I fall right to sleep and my insomniac episodes are far and few between.
So, last night as I was trying to go to sleep I was reading blogs. I came across a blog Emily at Skinny Emmie wrote about doing whatever it takes to reach your goals. What really struck me though was this:
Borrowed from Skinny Emmie
For the past year I have been focused on finding myself, when all I really need to do is create myself. Funny how something so simple can have such an emotional impact. When I saw those words in black & white, I cried.
Everything these two amazing bloggers/women wrote in these two recent blogs has really broken my heart and moved me. Had they scribbled my name in there some where, I don’t believe they could have spoken to me any more clearly.
So thank you ladies for the slap in the face. I really, really need it and it was long over due.