Woe, Is Me

So, I’ve spent the past couple of days having myself a good ol’ pity party.  The guest list was pretty short:  me.

Actually, that isn’t true, because misery does love company.  I have yelled, been hateful to and withdrawn from those that love me despite all of my flaws.

I’ve eaten any and everything I could get my hands on.  Yes, I knew I shouldn’t.  I didn’t care.

I laid on the couch and through the tears of guilt, tears of anguish, beat myself to a figurative pulp. 

But what’s that old saying?  It’s always darkest before the light?

I am praying that is true. 

This morning I woke with a new resolve.  It is almost as if I purged my soul over the past couple of days, because this morning the darkness is almost completely gone.

That’s not to say it won’t return.  But today I have a new resolve.  Here are the things I am working on for the next week.  Yes, starting today.  No more putting off things until tomorrow, Monday or the 1st of the month.

Here is a list of the things I am committing to this week:

  1. Logging all foods that I eat.
  2. Staying within my WW points
  3. Being conscious of my portion sizes.
  4. No 2nds or 3rds on foods.
  5. Work out at least 5 times in a 7 day period.
  6. Utilize and participate whole heartedly in the #7daychip group on Twitter.

It is very important that I start logging my foods every.single.day.  Period.  End of discussion.  I have been so out of control with my eating over the past couple of weeks, I honestly have no idea what I am eating right now.

Weight Watchers works.  If I follow the plan.  To me counting the points is easier than counting calories, and being conscious of your carbs, sodium, fat, etc. 

Portion sizes are something I still struggle with.  For the next week, I am committing to researching and then double checking what an actual serving size for foods are supposed to be.

To elaborate on portion sizes, I am also committing to only having one serving.  I have talked about it before, satisfaction is something else I struggle with.  To me being satisfied is being “stuffed”.  The truth is, if I slow down my eating and allow my body time to register that it is full, I will not over eat as much.

As I have gotten older and as I have gotten fatter, I have become much more anti-social.  I have major anxiety about going to the gym at my weight.  A couple of months ago I bought a Biggest Loser workout video and I got Zumba Fitness for the Wii for Christmas.  Both are still in their packaging. 

Lastly, I want to talk about the people that participate in the #7daychip group on Twitter.  You can’t ask for a more supportive and loving group of folks.  Namely, because they have all been where you are.  They are quick to offer praise when you earn it and support when you need it.  I don’t know if I have ever had a group of people who were so darn supportive.  The most impressive part of this group is they are all honest to goodness rooting for you.  They share your  joys and your pains.  I love, love, love the #7daychip group.  The guy who started the group, Brad Gansberg, is a freaking genius for putting these people together.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  You guys, each and every one of you, inspire me.

What it boils down too is I am tired of feeling like shit.  I am tired of eating like shit. I am tired of looking like shit.   I am tired of living like shit.  I can sit around and cry and be miserable, continue making my family miserable, or I can get off my ass, put on my big girl panties and get on with it.

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1 Comment

Filed under Diet, Health, Weight

One response to “Woe, Is Me

  1. Elizabeth

    I understand 110% where you are at. I go to that place more than I should and I hate it. The one thing that helps me over all the diets and physical things is having consistent time with the Lord. WHEN and I say when, because I’m not always consistent but when I have time with Him, peace and strength just come and it makes all the diets and everything go so much easier. So I understand putting on your big girl panties but also try to have a daily time with our Lord because He is the true source of strength and gives us what we need to go forward with the weight loss. Now, let me take my own medicine and have my quiet time, Lord knows I need it. I’ve been lax these last few days and my eating has skyrocketed………

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