Same As It Ever Was

When I think about my life now (in regards to weight loss) the Talking heads song Once In A Life Time pops into my head.

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
wife
And you may ask yourself-Well…How did I get here?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…

Water dissolving…and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?…Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!…WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…

Why is that?

Why is it that I can declare to myself and the world that it is different, yet not make it different?

As I’ve gotten to know various people around Twitterverse, I’ve noticed that no matter if a person has 10 or 200 pounds to lose, the demons that got us to this point are as varied as the people themselves. 

Why do we seek solace in food?

Where did we learn this behavior?

I’ve heard a lot of people say that lack of or bad parents attributed to their seeking comfort in food.  Sometimes people site lack of financial stability as children as a reason.  Sadly, some can even claim both.

But that wasn’t/isn’t my story.

Growing up and even now, my parents were a very strong force in my life.  i do not come from a broken home.  My parents had been married almost 52 years at the time of my Daddy’s death in 2008.

I do not come from a childhood of abuse.  My parents were neither neglectful  nor emotionally or physically abusive.  In fact, there are only a handful of times I can remember ever being punished, and I assure you I deserved it every single time.

There were a few times growing up when I felt nothing I ever did would make my parents happy.  But I don’t have any memories of that linked to food.

My parents had essentially already raised their family when they decided to have me.  when I finally showed up my sisters were 19 & 17 years old and my brother was 11.

Having already reared 3 children at 36 years old (at the time that was considered old to still be having kids) their parenting style was much more relaxed.  By the time I was 5, I was the only child left at home.

I had my parents full attention.

I do remember though that every day before school my mom would buy me a hamburger from Jack In The Box for breakfast.  My after school routine wasn’t much better and involved a stop at 7-11 for a candy bar and coke.

When I was 8 years old, my daddy’s business went bankrupt.  Even through all of that, we were never “broke” and if my parents worried about money, they never let on to me.

That was also the year I started to 2 new schools.  At the beginning of the school year, I was pulled from private school and put into a public one.  I had a very hard time adjusting to the changes.  The class sizes were much larger and the whole feel of the school was strange to me.  It took me most of the year to sort of fit in.  Just as I was starting to fit in, we moved to a different town.

A much, much smaller town.  About 500 people in the town and out lying areas.  The class sizes were about the same as they had been in private school at about 12 students.

The problem with moving to a small town is most of those kids were either related to or had known each other their entire lives.  I was the outsider.

I finished out that year and 2 more there.  I eventually found my place there, but never was part of the cliques.

Also during this time, my Daddy worked out-of-town.  During the week it was just my mother and I.  Often we would eat out at the little cafe rather than cook at home.  On the weekends when Daddy was home we also ate out. 

Ok, we ate out.  A lot!

The summer between 5th and 6th grades we moved, again.  We moved from that tiny town back to the town of my childhood.  This time though, because I was starting into middle school with other kids who were also being thrusted into a new school, I found my niche easily enough.

About half way through my 7th grade year we moved back to that previously mentioned tiny town.  By this time, I had reached my full adult height of 5’8″ and weighted about 220 pounds.  The previously un-accepting lot of kids were now my tormentors.

Many of them brutalized me. And it did not end with the kids.  The P.E. teacher was horrendous to me.  Up until this point, I had never really minded P.E., but this teacher, Mrs. Ferrell would make fun of and encourage the other girls to make fun of me as well.  And, because the school was so small, the P.E. classes were composed of 3 different grade levels.

Luckily the summer following 7th grade we moved to a slightly larger town.

Again, at the start of 8th grade, I was the new kid.  Over the summer I had buzz cut part of my hair and adopted a darker out look on life.  I was the edgy girl.  People were curious so they were a little friendlier. 

When I was signing up for classes, because I had been so brutalized in P.E. at my previous school, I refused to take P.E.  My alternative was band.

Marching band.

Imagine my 13-year-old horror that I experienced being weighted and measured for a uniform in front of everyone else, on the first day of school.  Only to be handed the largest one they had and it just barely fit.  If I sucked my tummy in.  It was so tight!

Overall, my experience at this school was fine.  I finished high school there.  My weight hovered at 220 pounds the entire time.

I told you all of this to show that nothing abnormally traumatic happened to cause my food issues. 

Growing up we ate out a lot.  I was also allowed to eat whatever, whenever with no limits.  I think this is where my habits formed.

My parents used good times and bad times equally as excuses to eat.

Both of my parents were over weight while I was growing up.  Along with myself, both of my sisters are over weight now.

I am no longer content to let things continue being the same as it ever was.

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Weight

One response to “Same As It Ever Was

  1. Melissa Khammash

    I totally remember 8th grade!!!! YIKES….we started in that little town at the same time. I hated PE but had absolutely no aptitude for band so had to take PE. 😦 I was teased for lots of crap too. Not fun. I had moved there from a HUGE city and from another state even. Talk about culture shock LOL!

    I think my eating habits are more emotional in nature honestly. Mine in part is due to having divorced parents and parents that did give me up to my grandparents to raise after my dad’s 2nd marriage failed. Not easy. 😦 Then after I started teaching and living on my own I ate out alot for the convenience of it. 😦 BAD habit! I turned to food for comfort in any situation. 😦 Now I don’t do that so much luckily—haven’t fully overcome that but working on it hard!

    I think we all have our eating “habits” to overcome—but we CAN overcome them with lots of hard work. I am working hard on watching everything I eat now—even though I am pregnant. I don’t want to gain TONS of weight nor gain too little. Literally I have to think about everything I put into my body now for the health of my new baby.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s