Dear Christi…

Dear Self,

I’ve got to be quite honest with you.  Frankly, I am disappointed in you.  Six months ago, in October, you started the blog “Finding Christi” as a means for you to find who you are.

At that time, you declared to the world that you would use this blog as an avenue for exploring your relationship with the Lord, an accountability tool for weight loss, and motivation as you struggle to move your body.

Over the past few months what have you accomplished?  Being that I am having to write you this letter, I assume you already know the answers.

You have failed to commit yourself.  Simply talking about something is not going to get you the results you want.

A little over a year ago, you and your family began a relationship with the Lord.  At first the zeal at which you pursued the relationship was fabulous.  You came from a dark place, in which you all but denied the very existence of God, into the light where the Lord revealed himself to you in a manner that made continuing to deny him impossible. 

However, once that relationship was established and it required more efforts on your part, you began to falter.  Your desire for the Lord and at times even your faith wavered. 

You boldly proclaimed publicly to use the blog as a sounding board for your thoughts, questions, fears and doubts.

At first you did write a few blogs, conveying some of these things.  Recently you have allowed your relationship with the Lord to take a back burner.  No longer are you engaging, no longer are you seeking, no longer are you writing.

So you dropped the ball.  You failed to truly commit to the Lord and growing your relationship with Him.  What is most sad though, is you seemingly have lost your desire.  As with any other relationship if you don’t put the time and effort into it, it will become flat and stale. 

Is that really how you want to spend eternity with your Lord?  Knowing and having Him know that in your earthly life, you just couldn’t be bothered?

The next thing you need to consider is your committment to finally losing the weight and getting healthy.  Six months into the journey you have only managed to lose about 10 pounds. 

WTF Christi?  Seriously, 10 pounds?  You could have, you should have lost that in a month.

What excuse will you use this time?  Actually, the excuses don’t really matter.  What does matter though, is what are you going to do about it?  How are you going to change?  Are you going to make the committment necessary to change your life?

Are you ready to make this committment?

I think you are.

You are going to have to get past how lazy you are.

What dumb founds me is how much you do for everyone else.  You cook, you clean, you wash dishes and laundry, you drive the kids to any and every activity they want, you stay up for days on end if one of them is sick, but when it comes to taking care of yourself you are lazy.

Rather than making yourself something healthy to eat or measuring out appropriate serving sizes, you will make whatever is easy and then pile your plate full.  Only to eat until you are miserable.  Why would you do that to yourself?  You know that immediately after you are going to feel guilt, shame and anger.

What about exercising?  When is the last time you bothered?

That’s right, you again proclaimed you were going to do something.  Yes, you failed to commit.

Don’t get me wrong.  You talk a big game.  Hell, you even had your family join the YMCA in the name of exercise.  For what?  So you could have a million excuses not to go?  That is what you do isn’t it?

I feel like we are close and I know you better than anyone else, therefore I feel comfortable calling you out on this one.

I know you love writing, that you enjoy having your blog.  If you are going to continue blogging but continue down the same old path you have always been you, you should tear down all of your previous post and change the name of this blog to “Christi’s Big Ol’ B*llsh*t Blog”.

However, if you are serious about cultivating a relationship with the Lord, finding yourself, losing the weight and getting healthier physically, have some integrity.

Stop saying you are trying, unless you are truly trying.

The power is within you, and you alone.  No one else can make you seek out the Lord, make healthier food choices, or move your butt to exercise.

The power lies with you, Christi.  Don’t let the big picture continue to overwhelm you, tackle it one day at a time.  One day at a time.

Love you,

~Me~

P.S.  Stop talking, stop thinking.  Get on with it already!

Advertisements

7 Comments

Filed under Health

7 responses to “Dear Christi…

  1. Well, 10 pounds lost is better than 30 pounds gained so at least you must be doing enough to maintain your weight and lose a little. Congratulations on that.

    No need to beat yourself up. Progress not perfection. You’ve made some progress. You just need to dig a little deeper and make a few tweaks here and there and the weight will start to come off a little faster.

    Good luck with your journey.

    The Grumpy Man

  2. Mary K

    Oh dear – OK, we all need a kick in the butt now and then, but don’t know yourself down so much that it’s too hard to bother getting up. I understand and empathize with this. Currently working on the weight issue – 55 pound in 7 months – I SAHOULD be at goal, but I’m about 20 pounds short. Was just thinking today about how sometimes it’s fairly easy, and other times you have to make a conscious decition to make the right choice about 400 times a day…. I WON”T have that little piece of chocolate, I WILL go to the gym, I WILL have another glass of water.

    Hang in there, dear!

    Mary in MN

  3. Jamie Pogue

    Hey girl! Nothing like a good ole talking to yourself to get things in perspective. I too have been looking in the mirror at myself and all I claim to be doing and wanting. And sadly here I still sit on my couch only contemplating the plans, never putting them into action. I have failed in my relationship with the Lord more times then I would lime to admit and as I sit here I know I’ve been talking myself into getting back to the track and on some fitness routine so I can stop feeling so tired and achey all over. I’ve been talking for a good 3 weeks now but have not taken one step in that direction. And as I’m sitting her I have my bible in front of me with not one desire to read it. I mean, come on, I’ve been a Christian nearly 10 years, I should know how to hang with God, right? And at one time I did. But as you said, laziness crept in and the remote and pillow took the place of the book.
    I say all of that to remind you that you are not alone in your battle and that I carry your burdens too. As long as we keep getting up we have we have an opportunity to keep fighting and walking in victory.
    I once heard a saying that has stuck with me over the years and has kept me in check and helped me to change my mind..

    “change comes when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change”

    Lord help us to feel how painful it is to stay the same and give us the strength and energy to change.. I pray for Christi to have a breakthrough in every area of life. I ask for revelation knowledge and divine wisdom for her to know what path she should take one this journey. Bring people along side her who can hold her accountable and in whom she can rely on for words of encouragement and love. I pray that a burning, deep desire for you to consume her and bring her to higher heights with you! I pray for her to forget those thing which are behind and press on to the things ahead that she might receive the prize! She has a great cloud of witnesses cheering her on so I ask for a burst of happiness and umph to get her going. I pray for a steadfast spirit and a never ending power to do the things that the enemy is saying are impossible. Help her to focus on today’s tasks at hand and not look at how far there is to go. Everytime the enemy tries to fill her mind with lies I pray that the Holy Spirit would shout words opposite of those. I pray that she will recognize that baby steps are better than no steps and I pray she would let herself off the hook. I pray you give her hobbies and things to do that she enjoys that will help her to loose the weight. I pray for vision and a plan that will work. I pray for her to rejoice in little victories. I pray for the dreams she had as a little girl to be rekindled and for you to make this dreams come true! Be with her, Lord. Direct and guide her every step. I know you are there with her along the way, holding her hand. I pray you will use her story to touch others. In Jesus name, amen..

  4. Jamie Pogue

    Hey, do u have my number? I deleted my Facebook for now and wanted to be able to text u from time to time! Or what is your email????

  5. Danielle

    We’re always so hard on ourselves. Girl, you’re doing great. Admitting that you want things to change and committing to yourself is the biggest thing. Baby steps are great! I know you can do it!!!

  6. I love a good pep talk as much as the next guy – it’s a good feeling to get it all out there! It’s kinda like when you get one of those quickie stomach flus, and you feel so much better after you just barf. Hopefully, now that you’ve barfed all your feelings out, you can focus on refocusing and keep up the great work.

    Sorry, not the prettiest analogy, but I stand by its accuracy!

  7. Future Bombshell

    Maybe I should follow your lead and write a letter to myself! Hang in there, Christi. I appreciate your encouragement and am here encouraging you right back! Be proud of that 10-pound loss and just keep on going with it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s