For the last couple of days, my mind has been all over the place. This makes it extremely hard to put coherent thoughts together for a blog.
Today as I was driving around with the wrecking crew, I did the norm and put my mp3 player on shuffle and let it go. We listened to and sang along with several different songs. I have a somewhat eclectic musical collection. It ranges from some Christian, to rock, to country, to R & B and even some rap.
Yeah by Usher came on, and I started bobbing my head along with the beat. Now I should let you know that normally I am not a huge fan of R & B, but Usher! OMG! His silky, smooth voice makes me weak in the knees. Not to mention that he certainly isn’t hard on the eyes either!
Anyways, I’m bobbing my head along with the beat, when I look into the rear view mirror and see my 4-year-old, Christyan, bobbing her head and dancing around. She says to me;
“Mama, you and me we are fat. We need to get skinny and lose this fat so we can show them how to make this look good!”
Maybe, you would have had to be there and seen all the hand gestures along with it, because then she threw in a few gangster-esq hand gestures. I, of course, couldn’t help but bust out into laughter. Out of the mouths of babes…
It really got me to thinking though. I know I have talked about this before, but why is losing weight and/or living a healthy lifestyle so hard?
Part of the reason, at least for me, is because I have set goals for myself that are so far out there, I have no clue how to even get started.
I have to set more achievable goals. Plain and simple. Truth is, even if I have to set the goals in 10 pound increments, that is ok. Just so long as I am moving forwards. Also, I think setting fitness goals along with weight loss goals will help.
Why shouldn’t I? I can think of a million reasons why I should commit to this. And normally I can think of an excuse not to in a heartbeat. This time though, I can not think of one.
I realize that I said I was going to do a 5k this month, and I failed to commit to train for it. Thus the 5k is not going to happen. It is embarrassing to admit publicly that I was to lazy and weak to follow through.
You may ask why I would publicly announce that I am going to do something and then fail to make the commitment required to achieve it. That is a valid question. The only answer I have is that I am lazy, have an irrational fear or commitment, and insecurities.
I mean, what if I put my all into this and fail? How will others judge me? How will I judge myself? I am scared of failing and because of this, I won’t put myself out there.
So this brings me to yet another point. My life.
I am not happy with my life. Being so overweight has festered an anger and bitterness deep within me. This anger and bitterness is often projected onto those closes to me.
I was reading a blog today by this girl named Mary over at A Merry Life, it has really made me put my life into perspective. (More about Mary’s blog another day).
My life will only be as good as I make it.
I will be 36-years-old this year. T-H-I-R-T-Y S-I-X. It occurred to me that I have spent the first half of my life fat, pissed off, angry and bitter.
The next half will be on my terms.
For the next 36 years of my life I want to be healthier, happier and anger free.
I want to live life on my terms, not limited by my weight and poor attitude.
Change is coming and it starts today.
Short term goals
- Lose 10 lbs (official restart weight tomorrow)
- Be able to jog 1 mile in less than 16 min (< 16 min mile required for Disney) without stopping.
- Learn and make a new, healthy recipe.
Long term goals:
- Weight between 140-150 pounds.
- BMI of 25 or less.
- Run a marathon.