The Demise of Christianity.

I’ve always been somewhat skeptical when it comes to religion (of any type).  When things come together for me and start making sense or ring true, doubt always and inevitably creeps back in.

If I consult anyone of faith about this, almost always their answer is it is Satan’s work.  If I ask people who are not of faith or religion about it,  I am often told I am just coming to my senses and my logical mind is taking over.  And, of course their argument is, there isn’t a reason why there has to be a God or supreme being.  My retort is always, there isn’t a reason why there isn’t/shouldn’t be a God.

As a child I wasn’t taught/brought up to have faith in God.  My parents were never religious.  That isn’t to say they don’t believe in God, because I think they do.  I was, however, taught to believe in people like Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny, just to later find out they were never real.  I do not remember when I found out the Easter Bunny wasn’t real, but I do remember vividly the day I found out that Santa Clause was nothing more than a lie, a deception, a hoax.  To make matters worse?  I had been fooled for years by literally everyone I knew!

It all happened in the 3rd grade at Fannin Elementary School in Mrs. Fords class.  Three things stand out from that school year:

  1. It was my first year in public school
  2. I went to the office almost every, single day for fighting with Cammie Ray (we had been in the same class in private school as well) and often got licks with the paddle
  3. Found out Santa Clause wasn’t real

The week before Christmas vacation my teacher, Mrs. Ford, was having a discussion about the traditions our families had during the holidays.  Somehow the discussion turned to Santa, when Mrs. Ford said “You all know there is no such thing as Santa Clause, right?”

I instantly felt my heart lurch.  I could feel that burning in my nose and eyes that meant the tears were on the way.  Always a people pleaser, I sucked back my natural instinct to wail.  Also, I did not want to appear to be a baby to any of my classmates.  After all, so far that fall, I had gotten more licks with the paddle by the principle than any 10 other kids in class put together.  I was the “tough chick”, if there is such a thing in the 3rd grade.  When I finally got home, the big revelation took full effect.  I remember crying myself to sleep that night. 

Christmas has never been the same since.

Some may call it a right of passage or a growing pain we all have to endure, but I think it may be where the foundation for my inability to believe whole heartedly in something, anything, I can’t see or touch, started. 

I believe in God and Jesus Christ, but there is always doubt that lingers.  Even after I have witnesses first hand things happen for no other explanation than a devine intervention.  Still doubt.  I do my best to work through things, but….you know?

I find with my kids, I am unconsciously setting them up for the exact same thing.  Right now they whole heartedly believe, without doubt, in God and Jesus, Santa, the Easter Bunny.  I started the Santa Clause and Easter Bunny things long before I became a Christian.  I have to admit, I get every bit as excited about Santa coming, be it for different reasons than the girls.  Seeing my kids faces on Christmas morning is only surpassed as being a most treasured memory by their births and the first time I got to hold each of them.

Eventually they too will discover the truth about Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny.  When they do make these revelations, how do I keep them from associating these fictitious characters rom the real deal, i.e. God and Jesus Christ?

Is this a cultural thing?

Are we unconsciously setting up the demise of Christianity?

Is this problem of doubt only trending in those of us without a strong religious/faith-based back ground?


Filed under General, Spiritual

6 responses to “The Demise of Christianity.

  1. Jennifer Shields

    First: WOW! Really deep for 1:00 am!
    Second: I got teary-eyed just reading how sad you were the day you learned Santa wasn’t real and that Christmas hasn’t ever been the same since…
    Third: Noooooo…doubts, really? Just a short time ago, I recall being so impressed and excited that you guys were going to church and you were so happy! I’ve never associated the fictional characters of childhood with religion, but I swear Brandon has made that exact same statement since we’ve been adults. I’m not going to preach to you or try to talk you into/out of (whatever the case may be) any certain way of thinking. I do certainly believe that when you became a true Christain (which I am guessing was within the last few months) you were so happy. Every post was more positive… Just a thought… I think religion is certainly different for everyone, but I don’t believe that changes the fact that there is a God, a supreme being… I think God knows and understands our doubts. I also, personally, believe that if you’ll give him a chance, something will happen that will assure you He is there. I’ll be praying for you, just to be happy and content with your decision, feelings and doubts 🙂

    • Thanks Jenny. Most days I do pretty good with very few doubts. I have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. I seem to get really down during this time. As we were taking the girls to see Santa this year, it occured to me that I wasn’t brought up to believe in God but I was brought up to believe in Santa, so I was just wondering if maybe there was a connection between why it has been so difficult for me to finally embrace Christianity. I have no doubts that the Lord will continue to reveal himself to me just as he has in the past. I just hope I am not setting my kids up for the same doubts that I have struggled with.

  2. Melissa Khammash

    I think everyone —regardless of their “belief system” in God– goes thru up and down times of the amount of faith we hold in our hearts. I know when I start realizing I am going thru a down time I try to start reading Quran more and praying more. It helps bring me out of it. 🙂

    As for Santa and all that other stuff—I hated finding out that all of it was false as a kid and I swore that if I ever had kids I wouldn’t ever do that to them (even before changing religions LOL). Maybe people are setting themselves up for failure in their faith with all this other stuff—I don’t know. I don’t ever want to fool my kids with anything like this—-they get the true whole picture about everything to the best of our abilities to teach them about life in general. Life is complicated enough without throwing in falsehoods of any sort honestly. I know my life hasn’t been easy while I was growing up and I sure as heck want to try to make my kids go into the world with their eyes wide open about as much as possible yet with a firm strong foundation in our faith in God. The weapons that they need for everything in life—FAITH, HOPE and LOVE. 🙂 I just pray for all our kids that their lives will be true to God before all other things. 🙂

    Love you Christi! 🙂 Thanks for the thought provoking writing you do! 🙂

  3. Kristi donohoe

    i remember discovering when santa, easter bunny and the tooth fairy were all fake. While these were minor childhood traumas it never made me doubt that God existed. this may have been because I was raised going to church and these fictional creatures were not mentioned, only God, the trinity and the saints. also God was mentioned constantly in our house , daily. I think that the over commercialization of these religious holidays has led to too much emphasis on these fictional characters. The best thing that has come out of our not being able to celebrate Christmas on the actual day is that we, as a family, are able to focus only on Church, Jesus and family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day..
    I have never had doubts that God exist or of his love for me, even in my darkest hours. But i have had my issues with organized religion. Don’t confuse Christianity and your belief in God with religion.

  4. Melissa Khammash

    Kristi–I think the big difference is you grew up with God being a big part of your life. Thank God for it! It is wonderful! I didn’t however and Christi didn’t. 🙂 Love you Kristi–HOpe you are doing great! 😀

  5. Jamie

    Hey girl!! Due to illness I have had a chance to catch up on some of your blogs.. You are doing so good and i am so prpud of you.. The hardest battle is the one we have within our own mind. It is a good place to be in when you begin to question what you have been told is true..
    I have a friend who has challenged me to question and seek out what is truth for me in my life. He taught me that the greatest lie you tell is the one you tell yourself. You have reached the place of honesty with yourself and I am proud of you. That is where real healing begins.
    When we begin to go through and get serious with ourselves and question our faith there will always be people who will try and say that you are being deceived and it is the Devil. This is bull. The word says for us to work out our own salvation. And God says, come now, let us reason.. There will be religious people who call themselves spiritual and free who are afraid to question their own spirituality and in turn try and cause you to think you yourself have been blinded.. You are not blinded my love, you are in a good place. Just keep being honest with yourself and those who seek truth also will flock to your side. In my notes on fb I have a note called, I choose, do you? It relates to this subject and how we as Christians and people fool ourselves into thinking we can hid behind the perfection of christ in order to cover up our doubts. I believe that if we could just for one second be completely honest about who we are and where we stand, then we could really begin to walk in the freedom Christ called us to walk in….
    I’m not sure if this is what u were trying to speak about but I felt the need to share it. It has been a grey journey for me to come to this realization and I hope it helps! Love you!!

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