Sometimes, especially when I am really struggling with something, the Lord will remind me that he is with me and knows. Even if I haven’t turned it over to him.
Recently I have really been having a hard time with my relationship with food, being healthier, smoking, depression and having a deeper, more personal relationship with the Lord. The struggles are, I know the things I should be doing, but I’ll half-ass it, just enough to appear that I am working at it. I know in my heart that if I weren’t half-assing it, it may still be hard, but it wouldn’t seem so impossible.
Sunday at church, a certain passage out of the bible was referenced for about 30 seconds out of the hour-long sermon. It has really struck me. I have been re-reading and mulling it over in my head for the past couple of days.
Today, I did something I haven’t done in a while. After I re-read that particular passage of scripture, I spent some quality, one-on-one time with the Lord. Trying to hear, trying to see what it is that I am missing.
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: when i want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but i see another law at work on the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? thanks be to God – through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 7:15 – 8:2
After quite a while in prayerful mediation, I felt tons better.
Let’s face it, the majority of my “problems” are addictions. They are things that I do not want to do, but often feel as if I have no control.
for those of you who say all it takes is willpower, you obviously have never dealt with an addiction. Addictions are far beyond willpower. For many, the underlying cause for most addictions are low-self esteem, insecurity, loneliness and fear. Does this mean that willpower plays no role in over coming addictions? Absolutely not. Willpower plays a tremendous role in the road to recovery. It just isn’t the only tool that should be utilized. Along with willpower, you should add education, behavior modification and a support group. These tools, together, will net a far more successful outcome than sheer willpower alone.
Today it occurred to me, I have to literally turn it over to the Lord. All of it. Everything. By doing so, it does not mean I won’t struggle. By doing so, it does not mean it won’t be hard. By doing so, it does not mean it won’t take logs of hard work on my part. By doing so, it does mean by turning all of my struggles over to Him, I am no long alone in this walk, this journey. No, it means He will be right there beside me, lifting me up, nudging and helping me along. Just like he always has been. Only now, I surrender all, I can see clearly.
I know that the Lord will never leave me. I KNOW that. But I forget that, often.
If you have a chance, please visit Justin Wise at BeDeviant. His blog today is entitled, If You Are Watching This, Something Bad Has Happened. Within his blog, Justin links an article. I can’t even begin to explain to you how moving, amazing, make you drop to your knees where you are standing, this article is.