For the most part, this blog seems to be going in the direction of a weight loss blog. Which is fine. I am happy to share my weight loss struggles, especially if it helps at least one other person. Truthfully, the intention of this blog was to help me find myself as well as chronicle my journey to finally get healthy.
Part of finding myself starts with knowing the Lord on a personal level.
Today, Justin over at BeDeviant answered a blog he recently read, by Mandy Steward at MessyCanvas entitled “I’m Tired of Being a Christian“, with his blog “I Am Tired of Being a Christian Too“. Justin and Mandy articulated far better than I ever could, why I became disgruntled and subsequently abandoned Christianity years ago. More recently, though, as I have witnessed the Lord move through my life, I find myself longing for and desiring a more personal relationship with him.
I have been trying navigate this Christian world, that is relatively new to me. I find myself slipping back into that old mind-set and just being so tired and exhausted of trying to live up to what is acceptable, according to the Christian subculture.
Mandy says it best
“I’m tired of being a Christian if being a Christian means I have to apologize for being me.”
Last year when I first announced that I had accepted Jesus Christ and was ready to be baptized, I literally was assaulted by a barrage of doubt and disbelief from other people. How could I, of all people, have decided (believed) to become a Christian? Even after I weathered that storm, I was still excited. Excited to be exploring and developing a relationship with God. But the demands and expectations of the Christian subculture have again returned me to my former, weary self. In addition to what Justin and Mandy have said already, here is why I am tired of being a Christian.
I am tired of being a Christian if being a Christian means that if I don’t raise my hands in the air during worship or burst into tears, other people are going to immediately question my devotion. I want to be that person, who throws their arms to the Lord or cries when they feel the spirit move through them. But I am not. I have tried and it feels un-natural. I have teared up on occasion, but I am never going to be that person who weeps uncontrollably. I am ok with it. I know that I am emotionally retarded at times. It is other people who seem to have the problem.
I am tired of being a Christian if being a Christian means that the moment I accepted Jesus Christ, I should have somehow magically and immediately stopped being me. Just because I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior does not mean that the “old” me stopped having value or validity. And if I have learned anything at all in my quest to know the Lord I know this, before I was even me, He knew me and still chose to die for me.
I am tired of being a Christian if being a Christian means being constantly judged for something I did or didn’t do. According to the Bible, I am promised a judgement day. To the best of my recollection, it doesn’t involve you, (not you specifically, you generally) at all.
I am tired of being a Christian if being a Christian means having other Christians hold me to a higher standard than they hold themselves. You may not have seen me at church the Sunday before last, but I didn’t see you this past Sunday, or Wednesday, or life group for that matter. No, I did not volunteer to clean up the sanctuary after service for the past month. I am however, a member of the baptism team and I often give goods and time to the different missions around town. We all “serve” in our own ways.
I am tired of being a Christian if being a Christian means by missing church my faith is immediately called into question and I am accused of “backsliding”. I love going to church. I love the fellowship and group worship the most. Church doesn’t have to happen in a specific building, at a specific time and date. In fact, my family and I are capable of having church in the middle of our living room floor, still in our pajamas, at about 6:30 on a Sunday evening.We probably didn’t get dressed all day and go to church because I was exhausted from chasing 4 kids all week and having a husband who works from 5:30 am to well past 10 pm, 5 to 6 days per week.
Lastly, I would like to elaborate on what Justin says here:
“I am tired of being a Christian if that means I have to obsess with a person’s sexuality. Give it a rest already. We know the versus. You’ve quoted them at length. We get it. If it’s one thing that following Jesus has taught me, it’s that pet issues change when you have a face to put to it.”
Justin goes on to say,
“This is a God who loved sinners; washed feet; ate with whores and prostitutes; befriended cheats; forgave his murderers.”
Who’s to say if some people are afflicted, have made a choice or were born a certain way? I certainly can’t. What is inside a person’s heart is what should matter. Not who they chose to have a romantic relationship with. God is love. Do you hear me? God. Is. Love. How many times have you heard that? How many different ways? If God is love, what gives you the right to hate?
What am I going to do?
- I am going to continue being me. The good, the bad and the ugly. And don’t you fret your little head about it, me and my savior will work it out, when the time comes.
- I am going to hold church when and where I feel like it.
- I am going to continue showing love and kindness to those that you have deemed unworthy.
- I am going to allow Jesus Christ to guide and direct my Christian life, not the Christian subculture.
Hopefully, by now you have read Mandy & Justin’s blogs on the matter.
What about you? Are you tired of anything?
What do you view as the ultimate prize? Eternal salvation in heaven or Jesus Christ?
Let’s be people who live in grace, not weariness. Justin Wise, (a.k.a @bedeviant)