I’m Tired of Being a Christian Too

For the most part, this blog seems to be going in the direction of a weight loss blog.  Which is fine.  I am happy to share my weight loss struggles, especially if it helps at least one other person.   Truthfully, the intention of this blog was to help me find myself as well as chronicle my journey to finally get healthy.

Part of finding myself starts with knowing the Lord on a personal level. 

Today,  Justin over at BeDeviant answered a blog he recently read, by Mandy Steward at MessyCanvas entitled “I’m Tired of Being a Christian“, with his blog “I Am Tired of Being a Christian Too“.  Justin and Mandy articulated far better than I ever could, why I became disgruntled and subsequently abandoned Christianity years ago.  More recently, though, as I have witnessed the Lord move through my life,  I find myself longing for and desiring a more personal relationship with him.

 I have been trying navigate this Christian world, that is relatively new to me.  I find myself slipping back into that old mind-set and just being so tired and exhausted of trying to live up to what is acceptable, according to the Christian subculture.

Mandy says it best

“I’m tired of being a Christian if being a Christian means I have to apologize for being me.”

Last year when I first announced that I had accepted Jesus Christ and was ready to be baptized, I literally was assaulted by a barrage of doubt and disbelief from other people.  How could I, of all people, have decided (believed) to become a Christian?  Even after I weathered that storm, I was still excited.  Excited to be exploring and developing a relationship with God.  But the demands and expectations of the Christian subculture have again returned me to my former, weary self.  In addition to what Justin and Mandy have said already, here is why I am tired of being a Christian.

I am tired of being a Christian if being a Christian means that if I don’t raise my hands in the air during worship or burst into tears, other people are going to immediately question my devotion.  I want to be that person, who  throws their arms to the Lord or cries when they feel the spirit move through them.  But I am not.  I have tried and it feels un-natural.  I have teared up on occasion, but I am never going to be that person who weeps uncontrollably.  I am ok with it.  I know that I am emotionally retarded at times.  It is other people who seem to have the problem.

I am tired of being a Christian if being a Christian means that the moment I accepted Jesus Christ, I should have somehow magically and immediately stopped being me.  Just because I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior does not mean that the “old” me stopped having value or validity.  And if I have learned anything at all in my quest to know the Lord I  know this, before I was even me, He knew me and still chose to die for me.

I am tired of being a Christian if being a Christian means being constantly judged for something I did or didn’t do.  According to the Bible, I am promised a judgement day.  To the best of my recollection, it doesn’t involve you, (not you specifically, you generally) at all.

I am tired of being a Christian if being a Christian means having other Christians hold me to a higher standard than they hold themselves.  You may not have seen me at church the Sunday before last, but I didn’t see you this past Sunday, or Wednesday, or life group for that matter.  No, I did not volunteer to clean up the sanctuary after service for the past month.  I am however, a member of the baptism team and I often give goods and time to the different missions around town.  We all “serve” in our own ways.

I am tired of being a Christian if being a Christian means by missing church my faith is immediately called into question and I am accused of “backsliding”.  I love going to church.  I love the fellowship and group worship the most.  Church doesn’t have to happen in a specific building, at a specific time and date.  In fact, my family and I are capable of having church in the middle of our living room floor, still in our pajamas, at about 6:30 on a Sunday evening.We probably didn’t get dressed all day and go to church because I was exhausted from chasing 4 kids all week and having a husband who works from 5:30 am to well past 10 pm, 5 to 6 days per week.

Lastly, I would like to elaborate on what Justin says here:

“I am tired of being a Christian if that means I have to obsess with a person’s sexuality.  Give it a rest already.  We know the versus.  You’ve quoted them at length.  We get it.  If it’s one thing that following Jesus has taught me, it’s that pet issues change when you have a face to put to it.”

Justin goes on to say,

“This is a God who loved sinners; washed feet; ate with whores and prostitutes; befriended cheats; forgave his murderers.”

Who’s to say if some people are afflicted, have made a choice or were born a certain way?  I certainly can’t.  What is inside a person’s heart is what should matter.  Not who they chose to have a romantic relationship with.  God is love.  Do you hear me?  God. Is.  Love.  How many times have you heard that?  How many different ways?  If God is love, what gives you the right to hate?

What am I going to do?

  • I am going to continue being me.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  And don’t you fret your little head about it, me and my savior will work it out, when the time comes.
  • I am going to hold church when and where I feel like it.
  • I am going to continue showing love and kindness to those that you have deemed unworthy.
  • I am going to allow Jesus Christ to guide and direct my Christian life, not the Christian subculture.

Hopefully, by now you have read Mandy & Justin’s blogs on the matter. 

What about you?  Are you tired of anything?

What do you view as the ultimate prize?  Eternal salvation in heaven or Jesus Christ?

Let’s be people who live in grace, not weariness.  Justin Wise, (a.k.a @bedeviant)

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7 Comments

Filed under General, Spiritual

7 responses to “I’m Tired of Being a Christian Too

  1. Ronnie

    I love you Christi! 🙂

  2. Jamie

    Ok girl!! U got my attention with this one!!! This is the stuff I like to read and chime in on!
    I think it is very good that you are fed up with “religon” brought in the false form of someones idea of Christianity..
    I do not believe that Christ wants us to be something that we are not. He created us after all and was “well pleased” when he did it! So obviously some of those little things that annoy others are things he finds delight in!
    You are right- we do not have to be pushed into the mold of what every other Christian says we should be. The bible says to work out your own salvation. It doesn’t say for someone else to work it out for you and tell u how to walk.
    However, the Word also say you must lose your life to find it. For me this has a much bigger meaning to me than it did a few years ago. I thought losing my life meant that I had to stop being me. But what actually happened was I turned my “old” self over to God and said ,”make me what u want me to be”. And I have no desire to be the old me anymore but I also have many personality traits and passions that have stuck with me that I thought I shouldn’t have.. So I have learned to be ok with where I’m at on the way to where I’m going.. And I’m a better me than I was when I started and have found out things about me that I didn’t know existed!
    I’m with you tho, “if being a Christian means I can’t be happy while I’m walking this out then I don’t want it.” I’m not meant to be miserable and I refuse to live a life of religon. Which always brings conemnation amd in happiness but whom God sets free will be free indeed and happy!!! Lol!! Good blog!! And keep up the good work!!! Proud of you!!!

    Btw- again- half asleep so if it doesn’t make sense then that’s why!! Ha!

  3. Melissa Khammash

    Christi, I think all of us—even if we are of different faiths (ie, me being muslim now ) knows what you are going thru. I know–I have been there where you are as a christian and now as a muslim LOL!

    I have gone thru all of this and more. My final realization is that —my faith is between me and my God. Not my husband, kids, family nor friends. ONLY me and my God. I am still myself and as one of your other commentators said—I finally realized I had to turn over myself as I am to God and let him take the reins in my life and have total control–rather than me trying to fit my life into something and trying to control it all myself —if that makes any sense to you. 🙂 I think you have to simply ignore totally what others are saying and you and your heart and mind and sould have to deal directly with God personally. NO ONE has the right to judge you for anything except GOD!!! It is seriously that simple. I have no desire now to be what I used to be but I am still ME—my personality is still with me (hasn’t changed too much LOL) but maybe the way I think about things or act on something have changed according to my belief now. For example: praying 5 times a day/ I used to love wearing the whole short skirt thing, ect and NEVER ever would have thought in a million years I would be where I am today in life and covering all but my hands, face and feet for the simple reason that I believe in it according to Allah’s words in the Quran.

    I totally agree with you too in that church/prayer can be held in any place and at any time. It does not have to be in a church setting at all. Yes, it is awesome to pray and worship in a group but it is just as awesome to do it on your own or with your kids and dh on your own. You know what my best worship time is??? When my two little boys line up beside me to pray one of the prayers and both of them are repeating/saying with me the entire prayer and going thru all the motions (we have a certain way that we pray in Islam). It is amazing! Yesterday we were outside on our patio with our prayer rug praying at the farm. The boys (as active as they are LOL) got in line with me and prayed the entire noon prayer with me. It is an amazing feeling watching your kids copy what you do and learn it so well that they internalize this faith and practice into their lives. As we say in Arabic “Alhamdulilah” (All praise and thanks to God/Allah). Your girls I am sure are all following your praying and the worship you do in your home or where ever you happen to be will only reinforce this awesome faith in their lives.

    I am proud of you Christi! You are doing a great job in everything—and your girls I know will thank you so much later on for guiding them and teaching them so well. ❤

  4. Elizabeth

    That is certainly a title to get all of us thinking that’s for sure. As I read through, I totally understood everything you were saying as I have been through all that and doubtless will be feeling that way again. One of the things I saw was a frustration with how others viewed you or how you thought you should be because of others. It is so easy to get our focus off Jesus and let the frustrations of the world take over. The best thing to do is pray but also study His word. In Matthew Chapter 11 verses 28 – 30 it describes how we don’t have to be so tired. “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My load is light.”

    Being a Christian can be hard when we aren’t immersed in His word. It gives us perspective, strength and the ability not to let others hinder us in our walk with Christ. When He is with us every step, it is not tiring to be Christian. That being said, our spirit and flesh are always fighting and often times the flesh wins out. So we do get overwhelmed, heck pissed at people, circumstances and the world. That’s why I always go back to His word and prayer. It brings into perspective what is important and makes everything else seem trivial.

    Last week I was so world weary of people, the news and everything. It makes me depressed and I hate it. I went to the Lord in prayer and read some of my favorite verses. One of them is in Colossians chapter 3 verse 2. “Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” The world will overwhelm us and if we keep our minds and hearts of Christ and maybe memorize some verses for tough times, I know it helps me tremendously.

    I hope other people won’t keep you out of church. Yes, you can have time with Christ anywhere you want that’s for sure. From personal experience, leaving church happens slowly, missing one sunday here, another there. It helps alot to be with like minded people and learning of the Lord together. We aren’t an island but I’m certainly not going to tell you what to do about that. I’ve been there.

    I will be praying for you and that the Lord will speak to you and guide you both through prayer and His word. Love ya!

  5. What a great post. I think the whole “tired of being a Christian if it means not being able to be me” thing sums it up perfectly. We’re each created uniquely anyways. We have to be open to the growth God has in plan for us, but that isn’t a cookie cutter mold to fit into.

  6. Brent

    I’m tired of God expecting me to thrive in faith and his word has absolutely no reputation of doing anything in my life. I’m tired of reading the extraordinary claims about how Jesus walked on water, turned water into wine and feed 5000 people with 2 fish and 4 loaves and I live an ordinary life and can’t relate to that while God acts like it should be easy for me to believe him and I shouldn’t struggle with that at all. I’m tired of confessing a word that never gets results. I really don’t wanna be in a faith relationship with God, I really wanna be in the system the world has in place but ever since I’ve acted on Gods word he doesn’t seem to want to let me out. I’m not very commited to faith in God anymore and I don’t believe he’ll do anything to get me back on track or keep me motivated, I wish I can quit, I wanna give up on trying to be in a faith relationship with God !!!! I just don’t wanna have to believe God to do anything for me, I wanna be able provide for myself. I’m older and I have a daughter that I don’t see, siblings that I don’t get along with and parents that could care less about me, all because of God choosing me out of the world to suffer me

    • Brent, I honestly believe that we all struggle with faith at times. Especially when things are hard. We don’t always see or understand why things are happening the way they are. But, the Lord never promised to make our lives here on earth easy simply because we have accepted Jesus Christ as our savior. That promise is reserved for when we reach HIS kingdom in heaven. Then all will be right when we are at His knee.
      I know life is hard and can easily get you down, especially if the hard times are persistant. All I can offer you is prayer. I pray that you find the comfort and peace you are searching for.
      I know that when I am struggling, it is always my fault. Not God’s. Most of the time it is because I have failed to give my troubles to the Lord. I can witness to you the extraordianry acts that the Lord worked in my life, but until you see it first hand or experience it for yourself, I don’t know that you will trust it.
      Please just give it to the Lord, spend some time with him in prayer, before you give up on him, because he will never give up on you! God Bless you Brent. I will be praying 🙂

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