Embracing Emotion…

I just want to thank everyone for their votes of confidence.  For the first time I really feel like I can do this.  I can lose the weight.  I can condition and train my body.  I can (eventually) do that marathon!

Emotions…

I am not a big fan of showing a lot of emotion.  Yes, when I am happy or angry you can certainly tell.  I am talking about any emotion that makes me tear up or cry.

I get embarrassed if I well up at a sad movie.  I will hide my pride if it means I might shed a tear.  Even when someone I care about dies, I will hold my feelings in.  For example, when my Daddy died 2.5 years ago.  Sure, I cried, sure there were tears.  Only because no matter how much I tried to suppress my sorrows they came.  What never came, though, was the full release of wails and grief.  I was sad.  I knew my life was forever changed.  I knew I would miss him horribly.  So why couldn’t I allow myself this?

The answer is, I don’t know.  Maybe it is because I have always been “the tough chick”, and I never wanted to be known as “the crier”.

But, what is wrong with allowing myself to wail with grief, if that is what I am feeling?  And who cares if I am watching a sappy, romantic or sad movie and it causes a few tears by tugging at my heart-strings?  Why shouldn’t I let the world see my tears of  joy or pride?

Of course, by now you are wondering what in the world is going on with Christi?

As I was driving to the Y lastnight, I was going over in my head the things I wanted to get accomplished.  My mind drifted to my goal 5k in February.  I imagined my family (Chris, the wrecking crew & my Mama) cheering me on as I cross the finish line.  I imagined flinging  my arms wide open, throwing my head back, closing my eyes and seeing my Daddy’s face full of pride, as I make those final strides.

That’s when the tears came. I immediately I started stifling my tears, chastising myself for being silly for crying.  Then I stopped myself.  Why shouldn’t I cry?  When that day comes, I will have put in the work and made the sacrifices to get there.  At that point I will have earned the right to be proud of myself.  If tears of joy and pride is what’s in my heart at that time, I am going to embrace it and let them flow free.

I will continue to visualize my goal, even if that means I shed a few tears between now and then.  I deserve it.  I have earned it.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Embracing Emotion…

  1. Jamie pogue

    Good for you!!! You know you doing good when the emotion come out.. I mean if Jesus cried over Lazarus’ death then certainly it’s ok for us to cry over anything we choose…

    I’m not a person that gets excited very much and I’ve often thought that something was wrong with me because of it. But I just came to realize that I’m a focused person and I do get excited, I just don’t outwardly express it like everyone else.. But here lately I’ve been getting more and more excited about a lot of things and it feels weird! Trying to embrace that part of my life has been a challenge.

    Btw- everytime I read your blogs there is always one book that pops into my head.. “so long insecurity” by beth Moore.

    I don’t know if you have read it or if it has been mentioned to you but I really encourage you to give it a go!

    I didn’t think I needed that book until I read it! It changed my whole outlook on life, myself and the weight issues. I went back and read a few chapters and I realized that I had actually dropped back into my old patterns again and needed to adjust my attitued again.. This by far has been the best book I’ve ever read!

    Another one is by her that helped bring me out of a dark time is “get out of that pit”.

    So anywho, that’s it! LOL!! You’re doing great girl and I’m “excited” for you!!

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