Getting to the heart of the matter…

After re-reading my after care instructions for my extracted tooth, I discovered I am not supposed to do any vigorous exercise for at least one week.  Hence, no Zumba this week.

With my exercise plans foiled, I thought I would share my recent eye opener with you.  Que pictures of me from Halloween night (last night)…

Yep, that's me from the behind

How did this happen?  It is one thing to see numbers on a scale, but it is entirely something else to actually see what 336 pounds of Christi looks like.

Me and Wonder Woman (aka Catherynn)

Me with Mark and Lori

While it may be hard for some of you to fathom, it should be apparent by looking at me, that it is true, you can have to much of a good thing!  (Get it?  Me being the good thing?)…

Chris and I

Again, how did this happen?  How is it possible that I didn’t realize how big I was?  How did I not know what I look like?

My rear-end from a distance

 Well yes, of course, I can feel my own body.  When I look down I can even see the fat rolls.  Further more, when I am folding laundry, I realize how much larger my clothes are than my kids and even my husband.  And Chris isn’t even considered a “little guy”.  He stands 6’1″ tall and weights in at 275 lbs.  Hard to believe I out weight him by 60+ pounds.

The real wake up...look how big I am compared to Mark and Christyan

 
My friend Liz put it into perspective one time, she made a comment about weighting more than an NFL football player.  For some unknown reason though, at the time, that wasn’t even enough for a wake up call!  I mean, can  you imagine?  Those dudes are HUGE, but they are mostly muscle (which btw weights more than fat).  Me?  Well I weight more than they do, because of fat.
I avoid mirrors.  And I avoid having my picture taken.  I don’t allow myself to see.  Like somehow if I don’t see it/acknowledge my size, it will some how not be true.  I can continue being 125 lbs in my head.  I have previously made the comment that until recently I could have been sitting next to a super model and not have noticed a difference.  The reason I never noticed is because I didn’t see it.  I didn’t see it because I never have allowed myself to look in the mirror or at pictures of myself.
It has been two and a half years since I willingly had my picture taken.  It was for a family photo that wasn’t all that flattering.  I managed to hide half my body behind my husband and two of my kids, making the picture appear to not be so bad.
May 2008
While looking at pictures of my kids, I realize I am in very few snap shots.  The few snap shot pictures I am in, 99% of them I am sitting.  Of  that 99% I’d say 95% I do not have a smile on my face.
Why/how can someone go so long without seeing themselves in a mirror or picture?  I remember as a child I was obsessed with looking in the mirror.  I also remember my sister giving me a hard time because it bothered her that I looked in the mirror all the time.  I also remember from that time forward consciously avoiding looking in mirrors.  While I am not blaming my sister for anything, I do think in my desire to not bother or upset her I began a life time avoidance of mirrors.  Which certainly is not the cause of me being over weight, but has played a role in my ability to avoid seeing my body as the weight piled on.
Enough is enough.
I have been fat my entire life.  Fat to the point I have unknowingly avoided things.  Fat to the point when my children look back at their childhood photos, they may wonder if they even had a mother.  Fat to the point that everyone I know, but especially my husband and children, will forever remember a time where I did nothing but sloth around.
 
My husband is wanting to go back to Vegas in late March.  By my estimation that is 20 weeks or 140 days.
 
The challenge:  To exercise 100 times before leaving on vacation. 

 The goal:  To lose at least 40 lbs by then.  Putting me below 300 lbs for the first time in 6 years.

The reward:  Besides a fantastic vacation with my husband, a fancy dressed evening of shows and dancing while in Vegas!  Maybe even indoor sky diving, but I’ll have to check on any size/weight restrictions that maybe associated with that activity.

Progress pictures to be posted every 10 lbs lost.

Come on folks, I can use all the encouragement I can get…

On a lighter note (yes, bad pun intended) please enjoy the following pictures of the wrecking crew as they trick-or-treated Halloween night 2010.  And by all means, please feel free to tell me how stinking cute they are!  I may be a wee bit of a proud Mama!

Catherynn:

Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman ready to fight off evil!

 Christyan:

Batgirl

Batgirl ready to whoop some booty!

` Carolyne:

Supergirl

Supergirl ready to fight!

Camrynn:

Quatro the Supercow

The whole gang:

The Super Crew

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10 Comments

Filed under General, Health

10 responses to “Getting to the heart of the matter…

  1. CHRIS

    I LOVE YOUR PAGE. YOU ARE A GREAT WRITER I’M VERY PROUD OF YOU. LOVE YOU MISS YOU WANT TO KISS YOU

  2. Jamie

    Awwww such a sweet husband u have there!!

    What’s that saying? Admitting there is a problem is the first step to healing…

    I think that u have a visual then it will cause you to be very driven…

    Hmm.. Come to think of it, maybe I should look at some recent pics of me to see if I’m satisfied…

    Will be praying for you Christi.. Love you and I know you are gonna kick the crap out of that 300 lbs!!!

    • Thanks Jamie! My husband is usually very sweet to me….maybe part of my problem! He tends to think I am perfect and beautiful just the way I am. Hard to feel a need to change anything. I know he does it because he really does love and adore me, so not trying to place any blame there….it falls entirely on me. My heart wrenched when I was looking at those pictures last night…but it’s a good thing, because I see what I absolutly do not like. Change is abound, stay tuned!

  3. Jamie

    John is the same way.. He is coming around though..

    I don’t think he quite understands how much I need him to hold me accountable to reach my goals… He tells me I’m too hard in myself and I tell him if I’m not hard on myself, no one else will be…

  4. Melissa Khammash

    LOVE the blog! Totally hear you on the photo thing. 😦 But, once you face up to so to speak it helps—it did for me. For me weight maintenance is priorty as I want to get pregnant but not gain 30 lbs like last time. Your girls look adorable by the way! 😀

    I think you can reach your goals! I am right here for you! 😀 I will try calling you today hopefully! Love ya Christi!

    • Thanks Melissa, you know what amazes me the most about this whole blogging, searching for the Lord, trying to get healthy and find myself thing is the friends I never realized I had. For years, aside from a handful of friends and family, I have felt completely alone. That leads to isolation. Isolation has lead to dispare. Dispare has led to apathy. You see where I am going…just a vicious cycle. I really appreciate the vote of confidence! I am feeling good, pissed that I let myself get here, but good.

  5. Elizabeth

    Hey Christi. I totally understand what you are going through. Oh my gosh I understand that. To be under 300 would be so friggin awesome. I will be praying for you and cheering you on. I can’t wait to see your progress.

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