Am I the only person who uses their weight as an excuse?
Hey Christi, why don’t you go work out? Because I’m too fat.
Hey Christi, why don’t you cook your kids some dinner? Because I’m too fat.
Hey Christi, why don’t you clean your house? Because I’m too fat.
Hey Christi, why didn’t you finish school? Because I’m too fat.
Hey Christi, why aren’t you intimate with your husband more (physically and emotionally)? Because I’m too fat.
Hey Christi, why don’t you get off your ass and do anything? Because I am too fat!
It amazes me at the numerous things I can use being too fat as an excuse to get out of doing.
When I was younger I was some what of a social butterfly. I went out and I hung out with friends. I was always quick to make new friends. I often knew everyone and they knew me. Many times, I was even refered to as “the life of the party”. Now days though, I am perfectly content to lock myself away and spend days not leaving my house or talk to anyone outside of my immediate family. By doing this I am not forced to be presentable, both physically or emotionally.
What this does do is allow me to rely entirely on my husband and children for all of my emotional needs. When they can’t fill these needs day in and day out, I become angry and lash out at them. Drawing even further into my self despair, I demand to know why they don’t love me enough.
Funny thing is, they (especially my Chris) probably love me too much. How can someone love another too much? Because, instead of risking hurting my feelings by telling me to get off my ass and do something, anything, my husband had rather take on the task of filling my endless need of love and acceptance alone.
Even when he is giving me everything he has and I still lash out and criticize him for his failures, he continues to try to please me. Instead of saying, “No honey, I will not go to Dairy Queen and get you a 3rd blizzard for the day,” he does so gladly and willingly. Because he loves me. Because he wants me to be happy. Because a fat Christi is much easier to deal with than an angry Christi.
The world I have shrunk back into, the world I am comfortable with, is a very lonely world. I no longer fill my need for social interaction. I no longer strive to fill my husbands emotional needs. And I have to wonder, if I am filling my children’s emotional needs.
So today, I’ve spent most of the day looking at Spark People’s web site, and thinking about my membership at the YMCA. Both are potentially really great tools in my quest to get healthy and lose weight. If I would actually get off my rear end and use them.
Like Weight Watchers, Spark People encourages its users to log or journal the foods and drinks that are consumed throughout the day. The inherent problem I have with this is my tendency to obsess. Not only do I tend to obsess about what I can eat, I’ll also obsess about how much and when. To the point that I will sabotage myself. However, what I do seem to do well with is predetermined meal plans, either by my own device or someone elses. If I have a list of foods (and amounts) that I can have in a given day, requiring little or no thinking on my part, I am more likely to follow said list without deviating. Hence forth, weekly meal plans, obsessed over on Sunday afternoons are in order, so that I no longer spend my week setting myself up for failure.
Spark People actually offers a nifty meal plan option. The problem I have with this feature is, I am so picky about my foods 90% of what they suggest is not practical for me.
Another feature Spark People offers is an exercise plan and tools that allow you to track your workouts. This tool also gives an estimation of the calories burned during your workouts. This ia na especially handy tool if you don’t have on of those handy-dandy watch type devices that tracks workout times and calories burned.
If I could wrap my head around using these tools, I could take the exercises that have been prescribed by Spark People to the Y with me. The Y I attend has a very modern cardiac studio as well as weight room. There is no reason besides laziness why i can not go exercise. They also offer Zumba several times a week, I think I am interested in trying this class.
According to Spark People, I am allowed 1200-1550 calories per day. My goal is to stay as close to 1200 calories per day as possible. They also recommend that I get 3 hours per week of cardiac exercise and 2 hours per week of strength training. I am resolving to get and hour of cardiac exercise Monday, Wednesday and Friday. While the girls are doing their karate classes on Tuesday and Thursday I am going to work on core strengthening.
Spark People is a free site that has tons of free tools and resources.
What tools/resources do you use in your diet and exercise plan?
Do you use your weight to get out of doing things?
Do you project your frustrations with yourself onto others?