An Open Letter

As I waited anxiously in the dentist office for the worst possible news about my teeth, I pondered over my recent blogging.  I kept drifting back to the one I posted about irrational fear.

In my mind I have built up this whole dentist experience.  No matter what the doctor had to say to me when he walked in, it was going to be the end of the world and devastating.  I laid in the chair, eyes closed, beating myself to a pulp mentally for being such a huge wuss. 

What do I really know about fear?  Nothing.  Hear I am, a grown woman who claims to not be afraid of much, but I am freaking out over what?  A little pain? 

It occurred to me right then that a little pain has never hurt anyone.  It helps to remind us that we are alive.  I truly have no idea what it is to be afraid.  This brings my thoughts around to our friend Greg, who I blogged about last week.

Greg nor his wife, Melissa, have expressed any fear to my husband or myself.  Even still,  Greg and Melissa know fear.   When a person experiences an illness (or injury) as severe as Greg’s, it has to bring up thoughts about one’s own mortality (or spouse’s mortality) .   Even those who have unwavering faith in the Lord would be hard pressed not to give it a second thought.   Not only is Greg’s life in jeopardy of being cut short, his wife may lose her companion, her love, her soul mate, and his children are at risk of growing up with out a daddy.  And I honestly believe Greg and Melissa very much live there lives by loving, honoring and serving (yes, in this order):

  1. God
  2. Spouse
  3. Children
  4. Extended family and friends

So this brings me back around to the fact that I do not know fear.  My own mortality has never been called into question.  My husbands mortality has never been called into question.  And while I have lost two babies and had 2 miscarriages, I have never had to face loosing a child who wasn’t still-born or only a few days old.  I may have concerns about the “what if’s”, but I don’t know true fear.  I am ashamed of the way I reacted to and the fear I claimed over possibly feeling a little pain.

I wrote Greg and Melissa a letter this afternoon.  I wanted to share it with you.

” Dear Greg and Melissa,

I have been praying  and will continue praying for you guys.  While I may not be as close to or know you as well as others, the Lord has led my heart to you.  For several months now, when you guys have struggled with various things, the Lord tugged at Chris and my hearts.  We have tried to do the things the Lord wanted us to do for you, I pray that we have pleased Him and eased any worries you may have been having.

I wanted to share with you the prayer I have been praying every day, for you. 

My heavenly Father, I want to lift Greg and Melissa up to you.  I pray that you will continue to wrap your loving arms around this couple and their families during this time.   I want to ask that you protect Greg and Melissa’s faith by revealing yourself to them.  Please continue to lead their hearts to seek you Lord, and protect their eyes so that they may never lose sight of You, even during this trying time.   I know that you want nothing more than for your children to join you in your kingdom so that we may worship and praise you always, but Lord, I am a selfish person, and for that I am sorry.  You have blessed us with the opportunity to get to know Greg, you have even given us an opportunity to serve you by showing Greg and Melissa that you have led our hearts to them.  So I pray that you will heal Greg’s body completely, because we are not done with him here on earth.   It is because of Your grace, Your mercy and Your love that I know all things are possible through You.  It is in the name of Your Son and my Savior I pray.  Amen

Please let Chris or I know if you guys need anything

In Christian Love,

Christi Bennington”

I do not truly know fear.

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2 Comments

Filed under Spiritual

2 responses to “An Open Letter

  1. Kristi Donohoe

    Christi that is a beautiful prayer. As someone who is going through a life altering and life shortening disease I I want to let you know that knowing that there are people who care about me and my family enough to take time out of their day to say a prayer for us lifts my spirits tremendously. And remember ALL fears are valid. Just because you are not currently going through a tragedy does not mean that your fears and doubts are not important! Your friends are very lucky to have you in their life! Take care and don’t feel bad I don’t like the dentist either! LOL!

    • Kristi, Thank you so much for taking the time to visit my blog and to leave a comment. I just feel silly about being scared of the dentist, when I know people such as yourself and Greg. People like you inspire me every day. Despite whatever adversities you guys are facing in your lives, you choose to live them with such dignity and grace. Instead of bowing down and filling yourselves with pity and sorrow, you have chosen to live your lives out loud! What a beautiful dance to be able to see performed. Bravo!

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